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Weekly Hints - 2008
June 23, 2008, Financial Freedom
My dear friends, June 24th is our immediate family’s
personal holiday. We call it “Freedom Day” in celebration of our
attempt to get completely out of debt. Financial distress is such a burden in our lives. Sometimes it is consumer debt, habitually it involves vehicle debt, and frequently it includes a heavy mortgage. It is not a lifestyle any of us would choose, but one which we are often caught in. Somehow the black hole of debt looms bigger and bigger in our lives until it becomes so deep and is so overwhelming we decide to just give up and hope things “will work out”. May I suggest another way? Debt doesn’t have to be forever. It doesn’t have to rob you of precious pennies, valuable dollars, and a good night’s sleep. It just doesn’t. You can begin today to turn the corner, change your circumstances, and find answers to this need. The process is easy to begin. It is worth every sacrifice it will bring to your life. If you desire to start, you can download the “Debt Elimination” form for your use. 1) Detail on this form to whom you owe money, usually listing from left to right the smallest debt to the largest debt. 2) List how much do you currently owe to each of these creditors. 3) For consumer debt, vehicle loans, and home mortgages, calculate how much of each month’s payment is going towards interest and how much is going towards principal reduction. This can be accomplished by using an amortization calculator on the internet or obtaining an amortization schedule from your financial institution. This information alone will help you realize how much can be saved by getting out of debt. 4) Decide today to stop using credit cards. This will be facilitated by putting away a substantial bit of money for any upcoming emergencies in a new “Emergencies” savings account at your local bank. Begin putting extra dollars into it. When there is approximately $1,000 stashed, you are ready to begin reducing your debt and your credit cards will no longer be needed. (Continuing to use a debit card is all right because that is like paying cash.) 5) Begin with the smallest debt and work towards its demise. You might make up a visual reminder, using graph paper and drawing squares to represent the amount left to pay off. A labeled glass jar is also helpful for collecting cash you choose not to spend in favor of paying off this debt. 6) Continue to pay regular monthly payments on all other debts even as you strive to completely eliminate this smallest debt. Plan to “snowball” this debt’s monthly payment towards your next smallest debt when this debt it gone (as shown in the example on the “Debt Elimination” form). 7) Using the “Debt Elimination” sheet will focus your energies and keep you on track. Let’s begin your trek to financial freedom. No matter your circumstances, no matter the amount of debt, it is needful to know the truth about your obligations and begin to pay them off! If you have addition questions, please feel free to contact me as I will gladly help you get started towards financial freedom and keep you going until you get there! Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.
June 16, 2008, Feeding a Crowd
May I share some rather practical advice about feeding a crowd? This opportunity comes around when those we love leave for or return after a lengthy absence, during happy celebrations, at graduations, and after weddings. It also often happens during the summertime months. Whatever the occasion, it is appropriate to have an organized method for food preparation.
Someone recently asked me what my approach was for feeding a light meal to 100 people (a mixture of adults and children) at a reasonable price and if they might have my methods. I shared then, may I share with you now?
Main Dish (adults): 2 x 5+ pound rump roasts 4 large onions, chopped finely 2+ cups (or enough to keep meat moist during cooking) 6 beef bouillon cubes
Preparation: Cook rump roasts, chopped onions, water, and bouillon cubes
in one large/two small crock pots on HIGH for 24 (yes, 24 hours) breaking the
meat up after 16 hours and shredding it again at 24 hours, both times with two
sturdy forks). Serve hot over buns. 100 hamburger buns (13 packages of 8 buns, day-old bakery) 10# ham, sliced thin 10# cheese, sliced thin (I like Colby cheese to keep everyone happy) Main Dish (kids): 30 hot dogs, cut in half
Preparations: Heat slowly for one hour in 1” water in crock pot.
Serve hot over buns. 60 hot dog buns, cut in half (8 packages of 8 buns, day-old bakery) Condiments: 1 pint mayonnaise, squirt bottle 1 pint salad dressing, squirt bottle 1 pint mustard 1 pint catsup 1 bottle relish 1 large bottle pickles, sliced 1 head lettuce, broken up 4 tomatoes, sliced thin Drinks: 5 x 2 liters lemon-lime soda 5 packages lemonade Koolaid 5 cups sugar 5 large blocks of ice (pre-frozen in plastic Dream Whip containers) 2 limes, sliced 2 lemons, sliced Punch bowl
Preparations: Make up 2 quarts of lemonade with 1 package of Koolaid, 1
cup sugar, and 8 cups of water. Add one 2-liter lemon soda in punch bowl
filled with sliced limes and lemons (for decorations) and 1 block of ice (to
chill). Repeat recipe as needed. This punch has the specific
advantage of not staining carpets. Paper goods: 125 paper plates 125 knives, forks, spoons 125 napkins 150 paper cups Serving Tools: 5 serving platters (ham, cheese, lettuce/tomatoes, hamburger buns, hot dog buns) 4 serving spoons (shredded roast) 4 serving forks 1 sharp knife 1 cutting board 1 fly swatter (if outdoors) Donations: (When others ask to help, ask for the following items--with a serving utensil--in the following order. If more than 12 people offer to help, start at the top of the list again.) Salads to serve 25: 1) Jello 2) Green 3) Pasta 4) Relish tray with dip Desserts to serve 25: 5) Brownies 6) Cookies 7) Cakes 8) Ice Cream Chips to serve 25: 9) Potato 10) Taco 11) Cheese 12) Crackers, specialty
Happy feeding and may our special occasion turn out just right! Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.
June
9, 2008, Helping Them Keep Commitments Summer is such a wonderful time for playing with friends, going places with buddies, and otherwise stretching the vacation hours with interest and variety!
Children and teenagers all know how to extend the confines of our patience, too. They will commit to come home at 4 p.m. so they can practice the piano before dinner and then call to ask (because they are having such a fun time) if they can practice after dinner. Well, you know what will probably happen if you let them stay longer. The practicing won’t get done. And then your teenager might ask to do his chores after he has gone with friends to the tennis tournament because he forgot to arrange for someone else in the family do them. Because the tournament lasts all day, those chores will likely be undone tomorrow morning if you acquiesce. And your younger children will say, “Please, just this time”, “Can’t we?” and “Why not?” enough to drive you wild with indecision and frailty. So, as this summer begins, decide to decide. What will be your regular standard for helping them keeping their commitments? Will you allow certain exceptions and when? Can you be firm in all other cases and not give in to whining, manipulation, and sulking? Oh, my friends, being a parent is the hardest of all occupations. Somehow, it seems we are working with family members smarter and more determined than we. But if we are to have rules, standards, and some routine to this summer, there should probably be a set way of handling situations when the chores have been left undone because the family member is away, the teenager wants to work after he has played, and the younger children poke and pull at your indecisiveness until you want to surrender. While I hope we all enjoy our summertime activities, let’s sit down with our family and decide how we will work things when one child wants to stay longer at a friend’s and will miss setting the dinner table, when a teenager will be gone on his day to cook lunch, and your youngster has asked to stay late for a movie at a friend’s home when its her responsibility to feed the dogs. It will make for a more wonderful, leisurely season when everyone knows the rules and you are confident in enforcing them. Good luck and remember, it is all right to say, “No, now this time. You didn’t make previous arrangements like we talked about in family council. Come home tonight and next time let’s plan ahead.” Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.
June 2, 2008, Five Rules for Fair Fighting People fight, children squabble, kids quarrel, and babies just cry. Oh, if we could remove conflict from our homes! But it is there, popping up at the most unexpected times to eliminate peace from our lives.
And so, because it is likely that a couple of fights will blow up soon, may I
suggest five rules to teach your family members so they can fight fairly.
(This is just a fancy way of setting some definitive boundaries so the noise
will be contained, the Bandaids will last a bit longer, and peace can be
restored in a relatively short time.) If you teach your family members how
to resolve conflicts in this way, you will be surprised how much better things
will be.
Rule #1. Cool down first. If you are really, really mad, you
must have a cool down period first by isolating yourself from the problem.
Then, you can invite the other person to a “discussion” of the issues.
Rule #2. Involve a mediator. All “fights” are best
regulated by a third party that isn’t emotionally involved and can keep the
rules straight. The fighters use this go-between to keep the peace while
things are worked out. This usually ends up being Mom, Dad or the
babysitter (until children become more proficient at resolving issues alone). Rule #3. No hitting. If you need to
resolve a conflict, you must do it with your mouth, not with your fists.
Hitting hurts irreparably. Words can hurt, too, but is the lesser of the
two evils.
Rule #4. Talk nicely. If you need to clash with words, you
may not use profanity, gutter language, or bathroom words. There is no
name calling or sassing. You must also use your “inside” voice.
You may only express your “opinion” once. (This saves the “yes it
is,” “no it isn’t,” “yes it is” repetition that is so often found in
conflict…)
Rule #5. Propose a solution. Conflict is normal.
It is the ability to work through conflict, find answers, and still keep peace
that is the skill. Get past the conflict and on with the negotiations.
What answer will work this time? As a parent, these five “resolution” rules can prove invaluable when raising children. Any neighborhood kids that became involved with conflict in your home should abide by these rules, too. Five rules, enough for each finger of one hand. Cool down, get a mediator, don’t hit, talk nicely, and propose a solution! May this skill set help make this summer and all the seasons of your parenting just a little bit easier. Teach them how to resolve conflicts and much of your familial stress will be gone. Happy summer! Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.
May 26, 2008, Little Things Time Sometimes your children, especially the grown ones, can cut right to the core of life’s issues to bring greater illumination and clarity. For instance, just the other day my son said, “Mom, I am beginning to have ‘little things’ time as part of my daily routine.”
He sets aside some time right before dinner (or before bedtime, or right after he showers, or between studying and socializing depending on the day of the week) to wander around in his apartment and attend to the undones of his life: the wool Sunday sweater that needs mending on the shoulder seam, the undone screw on the wall that catches his washcloth every time he deep cleans the kitchen, the bike tire that is almost too flat to ride on, or the difficult email message that remains unanswered. I am fascinated with this concept because in all our prioritizing and making sure we attend to the big, important responsibilities, we often leave the “little things” for later. And, because they are little, they can remain undone for a bit and really not undo our lives. But since they remain undone, we live a slightly “frayed” life. And this fraying comes because we don’t take five, ten, or fifteen minutes a day and take “little things” time. So, I am going to be on the lookout during the next week for the “little things” that need doing in my life. I am going to give myself permission to turn from the bigger responsibilities as dinner is cooking (my chosen time for “little things”) to play one song on the piano (one of the little things I never get to), to repair one small item (first on my list is the carpet threads on my staircase that need tacking), and to clear out a drawer (the kitchen tool drawer is getting messy again). I am going to trim my frayed life back just a bit and come to a place of greater order, all in five to ten minutes each day. This means my front porch will lose its cobwebs, my car glove compartment will get dumped and cleaned, my garden gloves will have the longest finger mended, and on and on…. Oh, why do we live with so many undone “little things.” I know we are busy, too busy to finish up, clean up, mend, and enjoy life’s best moments. But they are ours for the taking if we will give ourselves permission. Let’s look (for a just few minutes each day this week) for the “little things” and attend to them with great love, for all little things are best attended to before they become bigger, more dangerous, more time-consuming big things! Take good care now. Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.
It’s hot today, will get hotter tomorrow and soon
school will be out and summer will be here. It is time to make some summer
plans about what your children (no matter their ages) will be expected to do
this summer (in addition to outings, vacations, and other activities).
Let’s focus in three areas:
1) What will be the daily “neatness” standards for their
bedrooms during the summer? Beds made? Clothes picked up?
Curtains open, drawers closed, and toys picked up? Will this need to be
done before breakfast, before daily chores, or before they are allowed to play
with friends?
2) What household skills will you teach them this vacation?
Will they be in charge of making one room neat each morning? Will they
dust, vacuum, and clean a room once a week? Will they have chores in your
yard, maybe a section to weed, water, and harvest? Will they learn to cook
(maybe at lunchtime)? 3) What reading opportunities will you offer? When will you be going to the library each week? Where will the library books be kept? During what hours will you arrange for “quiet time” so the family members can read without interruption, distraction, or other attractions? Its time to take just a moment to think through your upcoming summer plans. 1) Daily standards for bedrooms you will uphold, 2) household chores and cooking skills you will share, and 3) reading opportunities you will offer. Remember, parenthood is not a popularity contest. You are in charge to make the rules, provide the opportunities to work and learn, and protect the time for reading (one of life’s greatest treats). May this summer be different because you take a few minutes to formulate your plans, decide what to teach, who to train, and create a daily break for personal reading. Happy summer planning! Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook and Teaching to Work Packet.
May 12, 2008, Transition Times I am going through a period of transition in my life. Things are changing in my exterior world and inside my heart. It is confusing and definitely challenging. We all go through these periods: birth within our home, death of family or friends, job changes, moving, illness, and natural catastrophe all take their toll on our soul.
As I am going through this
period, I have learned several principles which are helping. May I share
them with you?
1) It is essential to cling to daily routines. Prayer,
scripture study (I am a member of the L.D.S. Church and find this particularly
helpful when while my heart heals), exercise, and making myself pretty every day
provide a foundation to my “house of cards” (my way of visualizing
transition periods in my life).
2) It is vital to focus on today’s needs. I have little
capacity to think out a week, a month, or into the year ahead. But I can
handle today. Clean out a clogged downspout, take a small gift to the
friend having scary surgery tomorrow, pick up the weekend messes, and file my
paperwork. I can function in today. Tomorrow will have to take care
of itself for now.
3) It is important to have a non-judgmental, understanding friend
to confide in, one who won’t give you answers, but will listen, love, and hug.
Such a friend is priceless during personal change.
4) It is imperative to keep going, plugging through the difficult
hours, keeping busy during the long evenings, and planning what to do to keep
your hands and head busy while your heart figures out this new terrain.
5) Transition periods are significant for they prove we are pliable.
Writing down my thoughts, studying through my emotions, and letting
the feelings sit with me until they are ready to leave is all right.
You don’t rush change. It comes, you embrace it, let it hurt or heal,
and you go on. Transiting is part of me right now. It will be of part of your life, too. Look forward, hold steady with daily habits, keep your body moving, and soon the foundation of your soul will settle again into capacity and growth. It has always been so with me. It will again! Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.
May 5, 2008, Changing the Unchangeable I recently received the following email: Hi Marie -- would you please address how those of us
who are set in our ways can evolve and change for the better? My specific example would be - the kitchen trash
can. I really should, and I luckily have room, to have 3 recycle
bins where I currently only have one large kitchen waste can.
Why? Because I've always had just one tall kitchen trash can. So
why can't I (or why is it so hard to) change to 3 smaller ones (one for soda
cans, one for plastics, and one for trash). I'm just trying to think through how to do this, and
even harder, get my family on board as well (for sure the hardest part).
What tips can you share with all of us for making change work? Thanks!
Lisa in UT
Oh, my friends, change is so very hard. It is
hard for us personally, and even harder when we are trying to persuade others to
change with us. However, I do understand three principles which always
seem to help: 1) Change happens best when I have set up the
tools to make the change possible. In Lisa’s case, purchasing three
smaller wastebaskets (each a different color) and placing them in the kitchen. 2) Change happens easiest for my family if we practice
the new behavior in a safe environment. I like calling the family
together, having a practice session (maybe even making it a game), and doing the
“new behavior” over and over again. I can see a family gathering where
empty milk cartons, cereal boxes, and soda cans are mixed in a large container
and a contest held to see who can get the items properly sorted with ever
increasing speed and accuracy (comparing old times to new times for each
person). 3) Change seems to stick best for me and those I
love if we review how the new habit is working after one week, two weeks,
and then a month. For instance, you may find that different-colored
containers isn’t enough and that labels (pictures or words) need to be added
to the new containers. Or, it may be suggested that one person be the
recycle sheriff so boxes are broken down, milk cartons rinsed out, and soda cans
emptied before recycling so the smells are reduced. In other words, review
and reset over and over! My friends, may you find one place in your life which
you are having difficulty changing and apply these principles: 1) Set up
the necessary tools, 2) Practice at the new habit, and 3) Review and
reset as needed. May our recycling desires and any other “new behaviors” have a better chance because we are determined to apply ourselves, practice, review, and reset! Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.
April 28, 2008 With All Your Getting, Get Going I have had quite a week. My husband received a release from a major L.D.S. church calling after serving for six years. Time for change… Then I learned of the unexpected death of a good friend of over twenty years. Time to weep… Then came a Sunday admonition I’ll never forget. Time to listen… May I share what is happening in my heart as a result?
On Sunday, these spoken words struck home:
“With all [your] getting, get going!” In this instance, the warning
was about getting prepared: buying up some food, getting some toilet paper
set aside, filling some bottles with water, and otherwise “get going”.
(Remember, “being prepared” is not an event, it is a process, one that lasts
a lifetime.) I know we are all busy. I know there doesn’t
seem to be enough time to think about this and “get going” as we would want.
And so we go to bed each night with the important left undone and worry still on
our mind. The admonition was pronounced on Sunday, “Get going”. May I suggest you spend just a few minutes right now,
yes right after you read this email and decide upon four projects you can tackle
this next month, one per week, to “get going”? It will get you on your
way and with all your getting, you find answers, solutions, and begin to
squirrel away as you have always wanted. My husband and I decided to do an food storage
inventory and go shopping on our way home from the graveside service yesterday
as our first project. We found many people in the stores, shelves empty
under the sign reading “rice”, and a general apprehension in the air.
After all, there are earthquakes here, tornadoes there, and droughts someplace
else. Time to “get going”. I don’t know your circumstances, but I do know that
we must “get going” now. If you need one, buy two. If you need
two, buy four. If you need four, buy more. Just a little bit at a
little time, just do it now. Doing this will bring more order to your life, protection to your family, and alleviation of your worries. So, pick four projects (one per week for the next month), make some plans, get out and get going, and keep going so until you feel ready, safe, and prepared. It is time! Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.
I have recently received an inquiry: I try not to reply to my personal emails too soon or
others will just keep emailing me daily. Then I will need to respond again. Do
you see the endless cycle? This "behindness" is stressful to say
the least. I don't want to offend others, but I just get so behind!
Candice A. My dear friends, this email made me realize there are some helpers which have worked for me.
1) When I read an email, I try to prepare a
response right away. This saves me having to read an email a second time
before responding. However, (and I am really revealing a lot about myself
here), if I don’t want the turn around time to be too soon, I will save this
response email in a “drafts” folder. At the beginning of each week, I
send off these emails which creates pacing from my end. I might get a second response right away (and often
within the hour) to which I will reply, but again I put my response in the
“drafts” folder to be mailed at the beginning of the next week. This
has substantially slowed down my immediate responders and given me more time to
focus on other priority projects. 2) I try to keep all my own emails short and to
the point. Because I tend to lose interest reading an overly long email, I
try to be brief at my end, too. 3) If I need a question answered, I use a “*”
at the beginning of the sentence and put the sentence as the beginning of the
paragraph. This has significantly increased responses to my questions and
reduced the number of times I have to repeat myself. For instance: *Will you be bringing the crib when you come to visit? 4) In rare and difficult cases, I put emails
needing a response but which I am not ready to deal with in a separate
“someday” folder to address sometime later, especially if a response can
wait. I do this because I believe I must take control of my time in order
to use it as wisely as possible. Sometimes these emails wait for days,
sometimes more than a month. Having them in a special folder keeps them
close without keeping them in my face. I love email. I use it much more often than the phone and believe that as we are consistently kind, use it with restraint and politely “pace” our own responses, we can correspond with others and still maintain a sense of sanity. Emails are not meant to be a pressure in our lives, they are met to be a pleasure. Happy emailing! Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.
April 14, 2008 The Slinky Principle I have heard that “work is anything that stops being fun before it gets done”. Oh, how true (and how discouraging)! However, our work can get done for today, can be finished for this week, and can be completed until next month. In order to move from “never done” to “I’m done (for now)”, we must understand and employ the slinky principle.
A slinky is a rounded piece of metal that is produced
like a continuous spring. Children
put it at the top of the stairs and watch it spring over itself and go down the
stairs one at a time. For our purposes, the slinky represents our unending
work. Over and over and over again
the laundry needs attention, the dishes need doing, and the toilet needs
cleaning. However, if we drew a line with a permanent marking pen
down the slinky on one side, we would have start and stop places all along the
slinky. In this same way we can
approach personal and home organization. “I will do two loads of laundry each day which will
allow me to keep up on my family’s needs.
With two loads done, the laundry can be done for today!” “I will do the dishes immediately after dinner and
empty the dishwasher before leaving for work in the morning. Then the dishes will be done for the day.”
“I will clean the toilet upstairs on Saturday mornings and let my teenage boys
clean the downstairs toilet when they do their weekly chores. Then the toilets will be finished for
the week.” Ask yourself what “slinky” jobs are burdensome to you right now and how you can “finish” them for a day, a week, or a month, so you can stop having those heavy undones on your minds. May you understand and employ the “slinky” principle with success. Lots of your responsibilities won’t ever be done, but they can be finished “for now”! Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.
April 7, 2008 A Successful Summer It is snowing outside right now which makes it an ironically perfect time to talk about summer, because summer (and all its precious opportunities) is less than eight weeks away!
1) A successful summer always start with a written
plan. Do you know when the kids will be out of school, when the
swimming lessons start, what summer school possibilities there are, when your
family will be taking days off for a vacation, and when the grandchildren are
coming to visit? And, do you know when school starts again? Very soon, do yourself a favor and get out the June, July, and August calendars and begin marking them up. 2) After you have an initial idea of when and
what, it is time to add “launch” and “land” time periods to your
calendar to avoid last-minute pressures and stress (which are going to happen
anyway, but with this process we can minimize them). Plan an hour’s
“launch and land” EACH for a one-day activity, a day’s “launch and
land” EACH for a week’s worth of vacation, and a day or two of “land” at
the end of summer to allow for the transition back to school time schedules. Mark these time periods on your calendar as though they
were appointments. Actually, they are appointments, just with yourself.
This gives you permission to take time to pack, to unload the frig of lettuce
which will slime, milk that smell, and leftovers which will self-destruct during your vacation. It allows you
time to have a day to wash, answer emails, and pay the bills when you come home
after a week’s absence. 3) Make up a separate initial “to do list”
for EACH upcoming summertime event upon which to make written notes as ideas
come to you. These should be stored someplace convenient for continual
updating. This keeps your head free to focus on other needs and your ideas
save until you can address them. I was glad for the snow today because I have a dozen
inside activities which need my attention, but I can feel summer peeking around
the corner. Time to gain control before we get run over and another summer
is come and gone without doing, sharing, and feeling as we would want! Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.
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