I received an anonymous note during Education Week and will address it today.

How do you address a situation where 1) a wife has to work full-time to provide insurance for a sick husband, 2) care for an elderly mother who at 93 has her own emergencies that become your emergencies (because other family members live out of town), 3) teach gospel doctrine and 4) try to be a mother to eight children and 23 grandchildren.  Often there is no time left to “set in order” no matter how you try to “plan and prepare.”

My friend, I don’t know all your particular circumstances and surely cannot completely understand your stress.  I’m assuming your husband is not working outside the home and that you are providing both income and insurance coverage.  I’m also assuming your mother lives in her own residence, you contact her each day, and visit often her.  I’d expect you teach Gospel Doctrine each Sunday.  I’m also assuming your eight children are all grown, are independent, and live outside your home.  From the situation as you have described it and my assumptions, I would like to offer several ideas for your consideration.

1)  For our purposes, we will plan on you being away from the home for 50/hours week working and commuting.  Is your husband well enough to do some of the housework, yard work, and laundry while you are gone, say one room a day and to fix dinner?  If so, put him to work handling some simple household chores, the laundry, and preparing the evening meal.  Make up a simple, two-person master menu, such as I have posted at www.houseoforder.com/downloads.htm to simplify your life. 

2)  Plan to take visit and take care of your mother every other day, except in the direst of emergencies.  Family members that live out of town can take turns, by the month, of calling your mother each day to give her company.  So Joan might be in charge of calling your mom during September and Fred handles October, and etc.  Tell your mom you will call every day but will only plan to visit on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturdays to take care of her needs.

3)  Always plan out your week on paper.  In addition, plan to prepare your lesson for next week on the afternoon/evening of this Sunday.  Pare down a bit what energy you devote to preparation and rely more on competent attenders.  Pick the eight best students in your class and plan to call on them on a rotating basis to contribute to the class.  “I’ve asked Brother B to give us a summary of today’s reading assignments and make several comments regarding today’s lesson before I begin our discussion.”

4)  Plan to call your children on a rotating basis, one each day and three on the weekend (for example) to see how they are doing.  If time is tight, try emailing them instead.  Have a master calendar with everyone’s birthdays.  If you buy gifts, buy them in one big shopping trip, twice a year, and wrap the gifts in bulk and label to whom they will go.  Plan to mail them out on the Mondays, far enough in advance to arrive by their respective birthday.

Whenever possible, simplify, consolidate, and slow down.  Avoid too many other commitments right now as you are full to the brim with responsibilities, but don’t skim on personal needs, personal primping, and personal renewal.

Hope these ideas will help!  

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

August 26, 2009  Too Much To Do in Too Little Time

I received the following email and answered it.  I thought you might be interested in these ideas.

Dear Marie:  I have just ordered your new book, in hopes finding some ideas on how to get ahead of the clutter and house work once and for all. My job is in a rural part of Oregon.  I do the books and all the office work that accompanies a ranch and mining operation, and in my house, too! 

I have a small office where I work in the house but the clutter has run me out and I am now at the kitchen island emailing you. 

I also take care of feeding a crew (3-4)  of young men that work here during the summer.  My 81-year-old mother lives close by.  I also take care of her.

The problem is I am a perfectionist.  If I can't do it the right way, which time rarely allows, I don't do it the house I live and work in is 2,400 square feet!  How do I keep up?

I also eat a special diet which requires lots of prep time to do.  I have minutes not hours to keep up with the household chores.  Can you give me some pointers before I drown in clutter!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Hopefully yours, Chris

Christine:  O.K.  Let's take a deep breath and then we can take control.  Read the House of Order Handbook, one chapter at a time, and then begin to incorporate the principles that seem most useful to you. 

I also feel from your email that you need to begin using the weekly map.  It is located free on my website, www.houseoforder.com/downloads.htm. 

It appears you are doing too much and sharing responsibilities too little.  Try a 10% shift of daily chores to the other adults in your life for a significant increase in personal capacity. 

Lastly, take just 15-20 minutes every morning before beginning your other responsibilities to organize your kitchen island and office.  Remember, do it before you begin your day.  It won't make a bit of difference in your overall production and you will have a nicer, cleaner environment.

P.S.  I have just finished a new book, Be Successful In School – A Student’s Guide with my son, Tyler.  It can be found online in binder form for any of you who have junior high and high school students.  He was at the top of his high school class and got a lucrative university scholarship.  This book explains the skills to be a successful, stand-out-of-the-crowd student as you prepare for college!

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

So much chaos can happen when school morning routines are established for the first time or are re-established again as school time approaches each year.  But chaos is not inevitable.  With some simple changes in habits, some additional tools, and a sound system for independent behavior on the part of your children, school mornings can calm down a bit and become an enjoyable, loving time of the day.  Here are several ideas for you to consider as you think about improving your own situation.  I have indicated the parents’ goal, which is to make mornings easier, then given several possible examples and possible children’s goals.  Teaching these new skills will save many a harried mother and hassled, frazzled children trying to get to school on time. 

Parent’s goal:  Eliminate school morning decisions and confusion

Make It Easier to Get Dressed

Make it easier to get dressed wherever possible.  If your children are younger, choose their outfits by the week and put in a closet sweater holder by Monday morning.  This is especially useful for children who are tired in the morning or balky about getting ready for school.  What to wear has already been decided.  It is one less tension in the home.  Make up packets to include top, bottom, socks, and possibly underwear.  Shoes are kept in one of the lower holders.  In colder weather, store coat and winter accessories in bottom holder.

With older children, the same principle applies but with some flexibility.  Instead of making up the packets for the week, children with independent capacities can set out what they will wear tomorrow the evening before.  Children not so mature can be helped by their parents.  Again, the tension of choosing under duress of limited time is eliminated and morning routines are relieved of stress.

Child’s goal:  Get up, make your bed, take off your pajamas, put your pajamas away, dress yourself in today’s school clothes, and put on your shoes.

Teach Children to be Independent in the Kitchen

The goal here is to make it easy for children to get their own breakfast and then clean up after themselves.  Choose several cold cereals and store them in opaque plastic containers.  This makes finding the right cold cereal easier for everyone, especially if the cold cereals are stored at a lower, easy-to-reach location.  Parents should have a backup box of all cereals stored up high at all times to save tears because a sibling used up all the cornflakes and there are none left for the later eater. 

Teach children to serve and clean up after themselves every morning, including getting their own breakfast cereal, putting their bowl in the dishwasher (which means that the dishwasher must be cleaned out the night before), wiping the table where they sat, and pushing in their chair.  Milk should be put away and the cold cereal container returned to its proper place.  The principle here is that everyone does a little bit to keep the kitchen orderly.

Child’s goal:  No one can tell you were in the kitchen because you cleaned up after yourself after eating breakfast.

Keep School Items Collected in One Place

Confusion is reduced when all items going to school the next day have a “home.”  An example is having a labeled plastic container for each child for his or her school needs.  When an apple is needed for a science project, put it the plastic container.  Permission slips go here, too, as does the backpack, sweater, and books.

Child’s goal:  All school needs, including backpack, science project items, and school library books are kept in personal school container.  This makes is easy to leave for school each morning.

Make It Easier to Handle School Papers

Of all the challenges of school, handling papers seems to be at the top of most parent’s list.  To solve this problem, have labeled letter trays for each member of the family.  Homework, tests, and permission slips go in the parent’s box for review when the child gets home from school.  Dad or Mom’s box is usually the top box.  He or she files obsolete paperwork and returns current paperwork to each child’s box for return to their backpacks.

Child’s goal:  Put papers needing your parent’s attention in his or her box.  They will return them to your box after dinner.  The papers are to be retrieved and put in backpack before bedtime.

Because school is soon upon us, look at all your school morning decisions and move them to the night before whenever possible.  Look at where confusion reigns and find ways to eliminate or reduce it. 

There are many ways to improve school morning routines.  What will your goals be?

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

I received the following email would like to share some ideas. Thought you might benefit from my thoughts, which are bolded:

Marie, 

Thanks so much for your tips. They have been very helpful. I have a few more questions. 

First off, I finally had time this last weekend to get through all of the paperwork....and I am up to my ears in it. There was a lot more than I thought! So, my biggest question is I'm not sure what kinds of paperwork are necessary to keep and what aren’t? 

- old life insurance policies. Keep only current copies of insurance policies plus two older policies for comparison purposes.

- old bill statements: gas electric, phone, utilities. Keep bill statements for this year until April of next year (or when you do your taxes). If you don't need this paperwork for taxes, they can then be discarded.

- receipts. Keep receipts for this year until April of next year (for smaller purchases) and then do the same as with bill statements (i.e. discard if not needed for tax documentation). Put receipts for larger items with their respective warranties and instructions for long-term filing.

- old check registers, and duplicate check carbon copies. Keep for seven years (for IRS purposes). I usually do a ten-year turnaround, because it is easy to remember. Therefore, any 1998 and older items can be discarded in 2009.

- receipts from things we have used for tax right offs in the past.  Keep for seven years (for IRS purposes) if for personal taxes. Again, I usually do a ten-year turnaround, because it is easy to remember. On the other hand, keep all business documentation until forever. 

- old insurance statements.  Keep only current and two in the past (as reference documents).

- bank statements.  Keep personal bank statements for seven years (for IRS purposes). Again, I usually do a ten-year turnaround, because it is easy to remember. Business bank statements are kept forever to keep the IRS happy should they decide to visit.

Thanks again Marie! 

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

July 22, 2009  Watermelon Words

Part of raising courteous, kind children is helping them know how to speak politely, what words to avoid completely, and how to know if their language is compatible with the situation at hand.

Using the example of a watermelon will help children understand the variety of words in our language. You see, a watermelon has a rind, seeds, and the juicy, sweet center. 

The rind represents the words in our language that are slightly off-colored, derogatory, or hurtful. These “rind” words might include words such as stupid, ugly, and pigheaded. Just as the rind of a watermelon is less tasteful than eating the sweet center, rind words are less useful in our conversations that not. A lady and/or a gentleman doesn’t use these words to communicate to anyone. The words that you consider to be rind words in your home will be up to you, but encourage your children to rid themselves of such sour, inappropriate, and insignificant words. Instead, strive to teach them to become ladies and gentlemen, searching for and using the engaging words of our language.

A watermelon also has seeds. These are not to be eaten and are taken out before the watermelon is served at more formal occasions or spat out freely when at the park for a picnic. Just as watermelon seeds are discarded, “seed” words are not useful and are not to be spoken. These “seed” words include all foul language, swearing, and gutter words. (I would give multiple examples, but am sure you have your own experience with such words and will know when to correct your children as they use them.) 

Finally, the sweet, interior of the watermelon represents all the lovely words in our language. They are to be used generously, added to any conversation, and help us express our feelings every day. 

Even as you correct and extinguish the use of rind and seed words in your home, have fun with the sweet, juicy words of our language. Enjoy alliteration, which are series of words which all have the same first sound. Have fun with rhyming, too, which are words that end with the same sound. Have fun with creative words that aren’t even in the dictionary. But at all costs, consistently teach that certain words are not allowed in your home.

Sometimes, other children will come into your home and begin to use seed and rind words. It is useful to sit them down casually and explain that just as there are parts of the watermelon that are not eaten in your home, there are words which are not allowed to be spoken in your home. These include words such as you have just heard the child speak. As you correct guests, suggest alternate words that are appropriate. I remember my father helping a young guest in his home who had just swore after hitting his thumb with a hammer. My father simply said, “John, such a word is not worthy of you. I remember that your grandfather, when he would hurt himself would say ‘thunder and lighting.’ It allowed him to vent his feelings without cursing his God.” John got the point, for shortly thereafter the hammer found his finger again and this time ‘thunder and lighting’ were the words of choice.

Do you correct adult guests when they visit your home? I think not, but I do believe that children should be advised that although you were courteous to your honored guests, several of their conversational epitaphs were not allowable in the home. You might even ask if they knew which words they were. Surprisingly, children pick up the inflection, the circumstances, and the reactions of others when certain words are spoken and know intuitively that “….” just isn’t to be used. It is not a sweet, juicy watermelon word.

Teach your children, console them when they ere, and refer to the watermelon often. Seeds and rinds are to be set aside, sweet centers are to be enjoyed!

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

Twice last Sunday I had unexpected company come to our home. First, I unexpectedly needed to prepare a full meal. Just as were finishing up our dinner, the doorbell rang and I needed a dessert for the second set of company. Both times I felt my kitchen was too thinly stocked. (You know that feeling of slight panic as you search rather too quickly through the frig shelves, stare into the open freezer, and hide in the pantry as you peruse the shelving for some rescue.) I pulled the meal together using some thawed chicken in the frig that I made into a chicken macaroni casserole and chatted with the close family member as I cooked corn, opened chilled pears from the frig, and set the table. (This company has so often eaten my standard company pre-planned meal that I didn’t feel that I could use it for them this time.) 

When the second set of company came, I ignored my empty-handedness, didn’t even suggest that we have something to eat together, and hoped they didn’t notice. Afterwards, I wished there had been some small, cold treasure to share.

So my thoughts have drifted to a new, important place of company preparations, especially during summer weekends when company is more apt to drop by and say, “Oh, we just happened to be close and we haven’t seen you lately. May we come in?”

“Sure. We are glad you are here. Come in and I’ll prepare a small treat to share together.” 

In order to be able to reply so confidently, I must have my pantry and frig well-stocked with items that are reserved for such needs. These items will be off limits for regular family meals, but will be used exclusively for company any time they arrive. My plans are to have cooked, cut up and frozen chicken pieces in the freezer for use in making up the quick casserole as that worked well for me last Sunday. I’m also going to make up a batch of brownies, cut them up when they are cool, and keep them in the freezer with a new container of Cool Whip. When the unexpected company comes just for dessert, I will pull out the brownies, add a dollop of frozen cream, and top the dessert with a maraschino cherry (just for looks).

Remember, as you go through each week, to look for problems that need solutions. Then apply the solutions you find and be ahead of your responsibilities, as much as possible, at all times. For example, when I use up my frozen brownies the next time company arrives, I will add to my next week’s chores to make a new batch and freeze them for the next need. I will add Cool Whip to my grocery list, too, so a new container is always at hand.

Then I will be more like my efficient aunt who many years ago, when her dying sister, my mother, came to the door with me in tow for a short visit. This aunt produced five different kinds of cookies and a glass of cold milk to share as we visited the last time together as a threesome. That memory is more treasured because my aunt was prepared sufficiently beforehand to treat us with gracious regard. That is more of the kind of hostess I want to be. “I’m ready for you to come any time you want and I have something special to feed you as we chat together.” 

Happy hosting! 

P.S. My new book, Organize As You Go, is being published and will be delivered to my door this Wednesday. If you would like a fresh copy for your reading pleasure, please order one now!

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.

July 8, 2009 Calm Down and Recalibrate

Summertime can be so frustrating because schedules are messed up, the heat begins to wear you down, and the need for stability and sanity becomes paramount. Add in unexpected company, late nights, and a few mishaps along the way and disorganization is inevitable.

I know this is descending upon me when I wake up and feel overwhelmed. I just want to turn over and go back to sleep. However, I also know that I’m needed in my circle of influence and that tackling problems and finding solutions always works better for me than a bit more time in bed.

I cannot over emphasize that this feeling is normal, will happen several (if not many) times during the summer, and can be handled expediently. As soon as you are up, have made yourself pretty, cleaned up your bedroom, and filled your stomach with breakfast, sit down with a piece of paper, fold it in half, and dump your troubles onto the left side of it (I skip a line between all entries). This will calm you down!

Yes, list everything that comes to mind, from the leaky faucets to the running toilets, to the need to fix dinner for company on Friday evening, to buying birthday presents for that invitation that arrived over the weekend. Dump it all out, even the emotional feelings that come to mind including your guilt at having missed sending birthday greetings to your close friend, to the expensive produce which tasted terrible, to the frustration because your favorite pair of jeans have a new hole in the wrong place.

Now, on the right side, begin to list what you can do to solve the problems, who you can approach to find answers to your needs, how you will handle the situation next time so you aren’t embarrassed, and on and on. This is how you recalibrate. Remember, we always move from problems to solutions. At all times, we try to finish up and regain control. Forever and ever, a person works towards organization and gaining power again by calming down and recalibrating.

Next, make notations on the right side of your right-hand list as to which of these solution projects will receive your attention today, tomorrow, during the rest of the week, and into the upcoming month. Some of them will be postponed into September and a few until a long time from now.
 
Finally, get up and go to work. Remember, you are in charge to take your life and make sense of it over and over again. This is especially true in the middle of a hot summer morning when you are feeling totally out of control. Calm down and recalibrate to bring answers and motivation to get going.  When you get going, life suddenly turns around and you can smile again! Have a happy, even if hot week, my friends!
 

Find more helpful ideas in my House of Order Handbook.