Teaching Children to Obey - The First Step

Also see:  [Teaching Children To Work ]

    There are many aspects of teaching children how they should conduct themselves.  The first step in this process is teaching a child to obey.  When a child learns to obey willingly, he is on his way to independence and self-reliance.  

    Do your children come to you the first time you ask?  Do they obey when your voice is still soft and kind?  Or have they learned they can wait until your voice reaches a certain volume and a certain pitch before they know you are really serious?  Do you often resort to the "one, two, three...now Johnny, I really mean it" routine?

    One way to find out how obedient each of your children is right now, is to enter a room they are in, and looking at them, ask them to come to you.  Do they look up and begin moving in your direction immediately without whining, complaining or hesitation?  If so, you are in good shape.  If not, there may be some room for improvement.

    An excellent, non-threatening way to introduce this concept to a young family is to have a family council where the principle of obedience is introduced and explained in this non-confrontational atmosphere.  This can be done with a simple game.  The children are invited to sit in a circle rather near the parent and then asked one by one to come to the parent.  When they do, they are given a small treat.  The game is repeated, but this time the children are to sit farther away.  Again, using the same kind and gentle voice, each child is called in turn to come to the parent.  Again the treat is offered.  Finally, the children are asked to slip just out of sight of the parent and wait their turn to be called and come.  Children are then invited to come when they are called for the rest of the evening, then tomorrow, and so on during the rest of the week, with small treats offered every time they are compliant and obedient.

    Older children can also be taught the principles of obedience in a family council.  Remember these three keys:  First, look at your child when you speak to them.  (All too often we are instructing our children to do something with our backs turned to them.)  Second, wait, still looking at them, until they obey you.  (Yes, when you are first training your children, wait until you are obeyed.  This is how they come to understand that you are really serious the first time, every time.)  Finally, give them some reason to obey you.  Initially, of course,  that may need to be some small treat given at family council when each member practices obedience.  Later on it can be generous praise, and still later the feelings of self-worth and contribution will be sufficient to carry an older child to more constant obedience.

    Can you see?  Children will be just about as obedient as you expect them to be.  If you insist that they come when they are first called and when you are still speaking in a normal voice (i.e., you wait to be obeyed and follow up if you are not), and commend them if they come without resentment or frustration, you are well on your way to teaching them a valuable first lesson.

    When a child has learned to obey his parents, he will begin functioning better at school, honoring his older relatives, and getting along in public.  It won't be easy to make this change, but it is well worth it.

    At a later date, I will continue with some further concepts in the process of teaching children to work.

   Find more helpful ideas in "House of Order" Handbook, Chapter 17, "Training Children to Work", or order  a "Training Children to Work" packet.  You may also be interested in purchasing clear, plastic 3" x 5" index card slipcovers to keep your cards neat and clean.