 A family is a complex machine. There are comings and goings, commitments
in different directions, rides which need coordinating, and responsibilities
which need to be delegated. A business wouldn't think of functioning
well without a regular planning meeting. Why do we think that we can
function well as families without the same careful weekly planning?
A large, family calendar is a must to write down items of importance.
After it is filled in during family council, it might best be posted near the
kitchen table where it can be referred to every night to reiterate what tomorrow
will bring. It is most helpful to set a regularly time
aside each week (when the most number of family members will be home) to have a
short, useful family council. It is held in three parts.
First, the parents meet together to discuss three items:
coordinating their activities for the upcoming week, speaking of needs of their
children, working through any outstanding conflicts or issues between themselves
and others. 1) Coordinate activities for the
upcoming week: "You will be gone this night and I will
babysit. I will be gone this evening and you will take the children.
We will get a babysitter so we can attend the wedding reception on Friday.
I will call the plumber to get the repair done. You will make arrangements
to be home on Thursday to let him in, etc." The more you plan
together and come to common consensus, the great will be your confidence to go
forward with your week knowing that things are in place to happen as the family
needs. 2) Speak of your children's needs:
"John has been getting up too late to leave for school on time and I have
been driving him? What are we going to do to change that? Mary is
hitting Paul when they play together. How will we address that
issue? Sue is behind on her reading. What shall we do?"
Problems are brought up, discussed, and plans made for solutions. Then
parents can work together to coordinate how they will proceed. 3) Working through outstanding issues: "My sister is
still nagging me to take that scrap booking class next month. What do you
think? Can we handle the necessary arrangements for me to be gone once a
week? I have been asked by my boss to stay late next Wednesday? Will
that cause any conflicts with our schedule? What if he begins to ask
regularly me to stay late regularly? At what point will I decline?"
Second, the parents meet with all the children. During this part of
the family council each member of the family reports on their school assignments
and upcoming tests, their extra-curricular lessons or sports activities, and any
other commitments where they will need rides, help making refreshments, or
family support to attend a performance. As items are discussed, important
items are written on the family calendar. It is often helpful to let each
family member has a different colored pen with which to write his
commitments. It is helpful to use colored stickers for items which are
reoccurring: blue for soccer practice, red for piano lessons, green for
dance lessons. Finally, the parents (both of them
whenever possible) meet with each child separately. The children are
asked about their individual lives, questioned about problems or issues they
might be having with siblings or friends, and encouraged to bring up anything
which might be troubling them. Having a weekly time and place alone with
their parents affords a child great security. No matter what the week has
brought, there is a designated time for them to talk with Mom and Dad alone
about their needs. Try having family councils for a
month. You will be amazed at the improvement in your family life, your
relations to your spouse and children, and your feelings of control. Find more helpful ideas in
the "House
of Order" Handbook, Chapter 11, "Family
Councils".
See
also: Calendars, Lists, Planners, and
Time Management. |
