Family Councils - What They Are and Why You Hold Them

See also:  [Calendars] [Lists] [Planners] [Time Management] 

    A family is a complex machine.  There are comings and goings, commitments in different directions, rides which need coordinating, and responsibilities which need to be delegated.   A business wouldn't think of functioning well without a regular planning meeting.  Why do we think that we can function well as families without the same careful weekly planning?

    A large, family calendar is a must to write down items of importance.  After it is filled in during family council, it might best be posted near the kitchen table where it can be referred to every night to reiterate what tomorrow will bring.

    It is most helpful to set a regularly time aside each week (when the most number of family members will be home) to have a short, useful family council.  It is held in three parts.  

    First, the parents meet together to discuss three items:  coordinating their activities for the upcoming week, speaking of needs of their children, working through any outstanding conflicts or issues between themselves and others.  

    1) Coordinate activities for the upcoming week:   "You will be gone this night and I will babysit.  I will be gone this evening and you will take the children.  We will get a babysitter so we can attend the wedding reception on Friday.  I will call the plumber to get the repair done.  You will make arrangements to be home on Thursday to let him in, etc."  The more you plan together and come to common consensus, the great will be your confidence to go forward with your week knowing that things are in place to happen as the family needs.

    2)  Speak of your children's needs:  "John has been getting up too late to leave for school on time and I have been driving him?  What are we going to do to change that?  Mary is hitting Paul when they play together.  How will we address that issue?  Sue is behind on her reading.  What shall we do?"  Problems are brought up, discussed, and plans made for solutions.  Then parents can work together to coordinate how they will proceed.

    3)  Working through outstanding issues:  "My sister is still nagging me to take that scrap booking class next month.  What do you think?  Can we handle the necessary arrangements for me to be gone once a week?  I have been asked by my boss to stay late next Wednesday?  Will that cause any conflicts with our schedule?  What if he begins to ask regularly me to stay late regularly?  At what point will I decline?"

    Second, the parents meet with all the children.  During this part of the family council each member of the family reports on their school assignments and upcoming tests, their extra-curricular lessons or sports activities, and any other commitments where they will need rides, help making refreshments, or family support to attend a performance.  As items are discussed, important items are written on the family calendar.  It is often helpful to let each family member has a different colored pen with which to write his commitments.  It is helpful to use colored stickers for items which are reoccurring:  blue for soccer practice, red for piano lessons, green for dance lessons.

    Finally, the parents (both of them whenever possible) meet with each child separately.  The children are asked about their individual lives, questioned about problems or issues they might be having with siblings or friends, and encouraged to bring up anything which might be troubling them.  Having a weekly time and place alone with their parents affords a child great security.  No matter what the week has brought, there is a designated time for them to talk with Mom and Dad alone about their needs.

    Try having family councils for a month.  You will be amazed at the improvement in your family life, your relations to your spouse and children, and your feelings of control.

    Find more helpful ideas in the "House of Order" Handbook, Chapter 11, "Family Councils". 

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